This n' That

I haven't written for a while, so while the Boys chill on the couch and watch the Superbowl I shall get things up to speed. Dad, Tim, and my boys are hanging out. Dad is cheering for the loser, whoever that may be at any given moment and so his team is sure to lose.

We're just over half way through winter, I think. This winter has been way easier than last and has been, for the most part, pretty easy. Lately I've been finding myself unreasonably anxious at times and I remind myself that spring is coming. The days are getting longer, the sun is feeling warm. There are some little changes coming down the tubes that occupy a lot of my thoughts. Nothing big or life changing.

My toddler keeps life exciting. I often say it's less work to go to work than it is to stay home with him. He's incredibly verbal and picks up concepts in no time. Sleep is our ongoing issue. On average we're up twice a night. Otherwise he's pretty easy going and fun loving.

The Husband is gearing up for his first course towards his Masters of Counselling. I think it's going to be a stretching, growing kind of time for him from which I expect good things. He is planning to get involved with the Behavioral Health Unit at work and thinking beyond to his retirement years. He can have a full pension at 46!

My work is starting to feel comfortable. I love my job and my coworkers. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I never believed I would find such a good fit for myself.

Life is a pretty comfortable kind of normal. We're growing, loving, and learning. Our house feels like home and our community... well that's starting to feel maybe a little bit like home too. We're planning a trip to visit family in May. We're going to spend as much time with Baby Rachel as we can and love my brother and his family with everything we've got. A small trip to Minneapolis in June to see U2 in concert will be it for the summer. We have lots of landscaping to do!

And that pretty much sums it up!

My Niece

How complicated life can become in such a short time. I have learned a lot about the Baby my Brother and Sister-in-law are planning to welcome into their lives this coming May. A routine 20 week ultrasound revealed some concerns. Further testing revealed that I will have another niece, but also that she will be a very sick little girl. Among other concerns she has Dandy-Walker Variant, Hypo-plastic right heart syndrome, heterotaxy, and truncus arteriosis. It all boils down to a whole bunch of unknowns. It is likely that this beautiful girl will be held in her parents arms, surrounded by love as she goes into the arms of Jesus.

However, nothing is sure. She may live for 5 minutes. 5 days. 5 weeks. 50 years. We will have a better idea of her outcome at birth, but her heart conditions are serious and possibly "incompatible with life".

Her Mommy and Daddy love her. Her extended family loves her. I think we love her more fiercely than we would have otherwise at this stage in her growth as we realize how limited our time with her likely will be.

It will be a long road til May. And after that, only God knows.

Reflections and Resolutions

Wow. It's 2010! That sounds much more futuristic than it actually is. A new year always prompts me to think about the year that I've left behind. I would say I'm more prone to thinking about the past than I am to making lots of New Year's resolutions.

Last year, in brief, was a year of changes. We've been packing the changes in in the last couple of years. We moved into our house in January. In April the Boy was hospitalized with respiratory issues. Then a few weeks later I secured the best Nursing job I could ever have dreamed for. We bought a second vehicle so that I could commute to work. This also opened up new possibilities for me to connect with others back in the city and in my new town. I gained a much needed 10 pounds. Since summer my life has become a nice kind of normal. There was so much good, and in the same breath, so much heartache. Life always seems to be such a mixture.

In the year ahead I have a few goals and wishes. I want to stay healthy in mind and body. It will mean more workouts at home and pursuing healthy friendships. I want to step outside of my comfort zone and create relationships, getting more involved with my community. I want my home to be warm and welcoming, nurturing and safe. I want my relationship with my Husband to grow stronger. I want my child to be healthy, potty trained, and in a big kid bed. I want to work on expanding our little family. I want to brush the dog more regularly and keep the fish tank cleaner. I want to have a strong back and find a new, amazing physiotherapist.

What did I just say about not making many resolutions? Oops.

But that shouldn't be too much to aim for. Should it?

Christmas 2009

This Christmas was phenomenal! A year ago I was a sad and tired Mama of a 7 month old who wouldn't sleep. Christmas was tiring instead of exciting.

This year I'm well rested. My family is settled in our beautiful house. Our toddler makes Christmas exciting again! I must admit, I've been caught up in the fun of the season. He's too little to understand the reason, but the thrill of pretty lights, a tree, packages, and new boys has renewed both mine and the Husband's excitement.

In spite of all of the positivity I've been feeling, I've also been aware of the depth of sadness around me. It makes me sad that people hurt each other. Myself included. I'm also blown away by the way that things turn out for the good. That the rot in my past has made me a better person and deepened my character. It makes me especially thankful for the Gift that Christmas celebrates. Thank God for grace.

My favorite part of Christmas, all dressed up

Oh YES - a plasma car!

Got the hang of this present thing

Walking the puppy

De-Bobbifying

Things are a-changing for the Boy. He's 1 and a half now. Where did my Baby go? He does, however, have things he loves to hold on to and find comfort in. He loves his bottle - Bobbie, specifically. He loves his blanket - Dee Dee. He loves his Baby Einstein movie. And I must confess, he loves his Mum! He is a total Mama's boy.

A couple of days ago I decided to make some changes. Namely that Bobbie would become a less prominent figure in this house. I bought an Elmo sippy-type cup with a straw. The introduction wasn't of ecstatic proportions but was met with a small amount of possible interest. Over the last few days I've been encouraging Elmo and discouraging Bobbie except for before bed time. And it turns out he's sipping a lot less. And EATING a lot more!

Around the same time, and of his own accord, the Boy ditched Dee Dee. He decided the other blanket was really a better friend and has now adopted Nana's lovingly stitched quilt. I'm glad because he's really almost outgrown Dee Dee #1 and I was wondering how we would ever transition.

Next on the agenda - potty training! But not for a few months yet.

The Boy watching Baby Einstein with Bobbie and Dee Dee

Thoughts about Endings

Not to be a downer, but I've been thinking a lot about death lately. Maybe it's because I'm remembering my dear Aunt Wendy as we approach the 3 year deathiversary. Perhaps it's because my friend just lost her Uncle to lung cancer. Or my brother's recent experience of sitting with a man and his family as he left this world. Or the amount of cancers and surgeries I have seen recently at work.

I have been with quite a few people in their final weeks and days. I often felt like that was where I made a difference. It gave meaning to my work. Death makes us all equal. Pain and suffering is a guarantee as life closes. Love and conflict become magnified as family dynamics take a front seat.

My friend told me that watching her uncle die made her believe that euthanasia should be legal. That no animal would have been allowed to suffer like he had. I would be lying if I said I hadn't felt that way myself in certain situations.

I'm not sure how justice is served for people. It often seems unfair that the kind get sick and leave people who need them while the evil get away with all kinds of garbage and lead a long, healthy life. I may not know how justice is served, but I do believe that it is. I think about the man in Fort Hood who took so many lives and attempted to take his own. Medical intervention has helped him recover, it seems, in order to experience hell on earth. Why didn't we let him go? Then I read the Maclean's article about Demjanjuk, the nazi who was directly or indirectly in the deaths of many. He is being tried in Germany. A frail, old man who is dying of cancer. It struck a chord deep inside of me. It feels so wrong to me. How are we making the world a better place by taking justice into our own hands? Can anyone explain it to me?

I realize I've grown up with pacifist, Mennonite roots and that that plays a role in my thinking about justice. I also realize that total pacifism doesn't seem practical in this messed up world and I'm not sure that it's THE answer. I'm not sure how it's all supposed to work and I have strong mixed feelings about stuff like this. I don't know what the right or wrong action is all the time. Maybe ever.

I just know that death is final. And it's complicated. Painful. And confusing.

Halloween 2009

Monkey! Is that a banana in your pocket... ?

Mr Independent

Being silly with Auntie Carol