It's been a long time since I've written at all. I contemplated giving it up entirely but, remembering that I have siblings that don't have facebook, and the intensity of my thoughts and worries I decided to revive it instead.
It's no secret that we had been trying for another baby for 3 years. We just wanted Isaiah to have a sibling so badly. It didn't come easy for us and we decided to seek assistance to accomplish our goal. Fortunately for us, we conceived after our first month of treatment!
An ultrasound at 7 weeks showed one baby. The chance of multiples is always higher with treatments. Then at 10 weeks I had a huge bleed and went to ER where I was told I was miscarrying, as I suspected. I returned the following day for an ultrasound and guess what I saw on the screen... TWINS! Both alive and kicking.
I've had a couple of scans since to check on their well-being. The first ultrasound showed that one has normal growth, and the other "hydropic". I did some research on what that might mean and scared myself! I have yet to speak to a doctor about the ultrasound report or the one following. Hopefully that happens this week.
Both babies are active with good heart rates. That is so very reassuring. But I think that carrying two doubles the anxiety. And frequent ultrasounds also seem to add to my concern. The fertility doctor I saw on Monday was reassuring, reminding me that nothing diagnostic can be measured in the first trimester as the babes are just too tiny.
One day at a time. Lots of rest, food, and being gentle with myself is all I can do for now. But I think anxiety might be a regular companion to me on this trip.
3 comments:
You will have to learn to cultivate 'mindfulness', the bhuddist concept of living in the moment, trying not to worry about what's ahead, or past for that matter, but living fully in the moment you are in right now. Only problem is it's so much easier to say than to do. Also trusting in the goodness and sufficiency of our God, who cares for us and loves us.
I will be with you on the journey -- love MOM
Anxiety isn't fun. But you are. You're a load of fun. And those babies are darn lucky to be getting you as a mom.
Jacquie's been teaching me to "take the hit" when it comes to that house guest called Anxiety. "What? Is this all you have to give me? Come on give me more. Don't you have other worries to throw my way? Well, if that's the best you can do, I'm just not that impressed..." :-)
I'll likely end up printing the "Don't Worry - Be Happy" photo you just posted on Facebook, too.
Like I said, these babes are darn lucky to be coming into your arms and your home.
Hugs.
Wow, happy, scared, wonderful, exciting, terrifying. All in one. Peace to you!
Post a Comment