At around noon I'm heading to work. I'm just going by to say hi and deal with some of the load of emotions I know I won't be able to contain. I want to get over a good part of that before I go in to work on Monday. I left there last week Monday with 2 growing babies and an unmistakable belly. I return with empty arms, wearing my pre-natal jeans.
In the midst of loss, I feel blessed. My grief reaction is always extreme and this is by far the biggest, most personal loss I have experienced. If I didn't have friends and family checking up on me, encouraging me, listening to me and making sure I put food into my knotted stomach... if I didn't have my son to haul me out of bed and go about my day... I think I would curl up and disappear. That is my tendency.
Yesterday I sat with my Husband, my Dad, Sister-in-law, and Brother. We shared our memory box with them. It's so hard for me to open that box. Just makes me so sad. But we talked about the babies, held the tiny bunting bags that they wore. It hurt like crazy but in another way felt really good. I am so happy to have a memory box. It's a reminder that they were real. It acknowledges my grief. I showed Isaiah the outfit his sister wore and he turned away, sad. My dear Mom followed him as he took a girl and boy doll and played with them for a while. It was like play therapy. He was so gentle with the dolls. I hope he can be a big brother on earth one day.
These figurines were my sister-in-law's idea. Aren't they lovely?
3 comments:
They are lovely reminders! And such a hopeful picture of the potential they had.
The names are beautiful Val.
-becky
They truly are beautiful, Val - the memory box, your memories, your path, your babies. May your babies play happily till that best day ever when they get to play with you.
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