Thursday, May 1, 2008

Maternity Leave

I don't know what is with me. Perhaps end of pregnancy hormones. Maybe a sudden change of pace from hectic to s-l-o-w. Maybe I have too much time on my hands to obsess.

I am just plain temperamental. Cantankerous at times, as my Dad would say.

I have a list of things I want to get done. But I don't feel like doing it. I feel like being alone, but then I'm lonely. I think I want this, but then I end up doing that. I react emotionally instead of rationally.

I've been off work for about a week now. I'll be 39 weeks pregnant tomorrow. The kid is set to make a debut any time between now and 3 weeks from now. I can't grasp the leap from pregnant to parent. It thrills and terrifies me at the same time. Although I feel connected with the life inside of me, I can't imagine it in an independent form. I am going to be a parent for... ever. It's kind of a big deal.

If I had known how good I would be feeling, I would have worked longer and brought home a good pay cheque. My back is tender, but I imagined it would be far worse. I can still bend, walk, lift. I'm not particularly huge or awkward. It's a bit too early for gardening. I've come through this remarkably well.

Tuesday I spent one more day with my Mum. We went to multiple medical appointments, did some shopping, and enjoyed each other's company. We've done shopping days for a long, long time. This is probably the last time she'll just be my mum, and not my kid's grandma.

I suppose I'm just bored. I should tackle my "to do" list. I'd like to have the car, but the husband takes it to work most days. So I feel kind of stuck at home. The dog gets me out daily and more often than not, we run into the regulars at the dog park. I have time to get all the things I've procrastinated on completed. But what fun is that?

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hmm... you're so sounding like a woman who is 9 months pregnant! You are allowed to be emotional and temperamental! I always found it such an in between time -- your whole focus is to get this project done, (or at least started) so no interest or energy in doing much of anything else. Even though you are doing remarkably well, life is uncomfortable with the big belly, the waking up at night, sore back etc. etc. So allow yourself some slack! Love MOM

Linda said...

What your mom said! It's a weird time and it's no wonder you're feeling emotional. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Anonymous said...

I'm so happy to hear that your back has been giving you less grief than you'd expected...hurray. Your emotional state sounds very similar to my daughters' ...and she's expecting in June...hang in there you're almost there. Roselle