I have to admit that I sometimes feel like the odd Mama out, here in this town. This town which is slowly becoming "my" town again.
You see, I love my job. I find meaning and purpose in caring for people outside of my own family. My heart is caring. I like my patients and, usually, they like me. I work with a fabulous team. I get lots of positive feedback about my performance and enjoy being part of a team.
Most of the Mums here take great pride in staying home with their children. I'm not sure that I have met any that work outside of the home. I certainly believe there is no more important job than raising your own children. Sometimes I wish that would be all I want. To stay home and watch my Boy grow up.
But I don't. I want to work part time. Not full time, just part. The thing is, I'm happier when I get out of the house. I have more patience and more fun with my family. There is a fine line. At times I have picked up too many shifts and run myself near ragged. Then I become the Mama Monster and that isn't cool for anyone.
It's interesting to move back to my old hometown. I can't say that moving back has felt like coming home. It's starting to feel more comfortable. But sometimes I feel like I just don't fit in all that well. It's getting better with time and I assume it will continue to. I'm just gonna continue doing what makes me happy.
4 comments:
It's not just that town either - it's a lot of small towns, like the one I live in. And frankly, in cities too. There will always be a divide between mamas who stay home and mamas who split their time between home and work. But you know what? I'm a better mum to Chou because I work and we have time away from each other. If you're a better mum when you work three, or two, or five days a week that's important. Very important.
But you're right, it's hard to get on the same level or find time to hang out with at-home mums when you're balancing home and work. I go through the same thing every. single. week.
Hang in there. It'll get easier. I hope.
Very well said again my dear girl! As for fitting in to your old home town, that is a tough one! It has to do with all the traumas of 'growing up' -- the cruelties of the high school caste system etc. etc..These are times of life that are not easy for very many people, so when you come back it hits you -- and every time you see someone from your class etc., it can put you back there quickly. I think it will get easier though as you get to know who these people are now, in a different time of life. Hang in there -- someone has to live close to take care of us when we're old!
Oops -- should have chosen the 'Name' option -- now you'll never guess who wrote this.
I want you to know you are not alone in this small town. I have often wondered if it is just me who cannot simply be happy with being a stay at home mom. But I have found that if I can go to work (part-time) I feel as though I can be a better person at home too. Working full-time after having my first was an enormous struggle and I am thankful for parttime work. But never feel badly about your need to be a part of something outside of your wonderful family. And know that there are other mom's in this town that feel the same way. It would be a shame to deny yourself and others another side of you that you do so well!
Karin
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