Bittersweet

I'm almost ready to head out of the house. The Boy and I are taking our first road trip together. Nana and Papa are coming to. Our destination is Calgary. My brother lives there. With his beautiful wife and family. Literally, as soon as the Boy awakes from his Slumber we are outta here!

You may think we're heading on a vacation. The truth is that my niece is going to be born. Tomorrow. Her name is Rachel Amariah. At the routine 20 week ultrasound they discovered that things weren't quite right. Now, through extensive and detailed testing, we expect that she won't live long. Nobody knows how long or how short her life may be.

I've witnessed amazing strength as my family deals with this news. Her parents have wrapped her in love from the beginning. There are no rosy thoughts of miracles, etc. They are facing reality. Decisions have been made and plans are in place so that when Rachel comes they can just focus on her. Such anguish. Such love. Yet such peace.

It's bittersweet. Rachel has already taught us so much. We will love to to bits now and forever after. I was thinking today, God, why the bittersweet? Why not JUST bitter or JUST sweet. It feels like torture to love something/someone only to lose them.

But I realized something. If there was just bitter or sweet, the bitter would overwhelm the sweet. I'm afraid I would just see the ugliness. So we have to have the sweet with the bitter. Otherwise we'd have a world full of jaded or incredibly happy, sheltered (and this might be worse than jaded) people. It just keeps things in focus.

See you tomorrow, Rachel.