Mixed Bag of Emotion

I'm not quite sure where to start today.  A little too much going on.

First off, this is my last week before maternity leave!  That's totally crazy.  I am taking some holiday time so that my actual start date is on my due date of March 24.  Three days of work this week and I'm done.  For an entire year.  I can't even wrap my head around it.

Add to it, my Grandpa's birthday is on March 24.  He is to turn 83 this year.  He is the middle of 7 siblings.  Each of his siblings have died, in turn, at the age of 83 years.  I am very sure that he will fall short of the 83 year mark.  As I write he lays in a hospital bed, surrounded constantly by loving family.  It's only right for the man who exemplifies "unconditional love" be surrounded and carried by those he gave to during his life.  For the most part he seems comfortable though dying is such a difficult process.  Not only on the one leaving but also on the family.  It's a hard and tiring journey.  As my mom and her sister have requested "pray for a gentle release into the arms of His Good Shepherd, whom he has trusted so unfailingly all his life."

To top things off, this week I remember my wee babies.  Our son and our daughter, too beautiful for our cruel world.  They died 1 year ago at 18 weeks gestation.  We have an amazing memory box that the hospital staff put together for us.  Photos, outfits, blankets and more.  They were so perfect and full of potential.  My arms, my heart, and mind miss the babies I never got to watch grow up.  I wonder who they would have become and what our family would have looked like.  It doesn't hurt like it did a year ago when my world was flipped upside down and inside out and I remember them with fondness and longing.  I would not have expected to be "full term" pregnant with their sibling one year later.  I am blessed.

Strength for the week.  For the day.