I Must be Dreaming

Is it really 245 AM?

The Boy got his immunizations on Wednesday and got his socks knocked off by them. He spent 36 hours feverish and lethargic. In the last 24 hours I got 3 hours of sleep and he didn't get much more. All day he laid in my arms. We put miles on the rocking chair, listened to music, cuddled, watched TV, and dozed. A couple of hours ago his fever finally broke and he started feeling better.

Enter the return of my Boy. Somehow it seems we've gotten things messed up. For it is 245AM and he is happy (also, not tired... how can he NOT be tired?). So far we've played with the dog, eaten grapes, discovered that when one dives face-first into bread with peanut butter it will stick to your face for a couple of seconds, climbed the stairs, and discovered toys. He is shrieking, smiling, and very much awake.

I'm so glad he's feeling better. Now could we please just get some sleep?

Uncle Tim Rules!

It's no wonder Isaiah just can't get enough of Uncle Tim...

Positivity

In a pointed effort to be positive, here are the things I am looking forward to this week:

1. My sister and her husband came to warm our house this afternoon. They live in Europe most of the time and we just don't get to hang out much. She is so amazing with Isaiah. My Grandparents, parents, and Aunt and Uncle with 3 boys came down as well. I just couldn't wait to see her this visit. I miss her.

2. Tomorrow I get to see one of my oldest (not age-wise, just length of time that I've known her) role models for some talk time and playing with the Baby. It's been a long time. Also, she'll introduce me to a physiotherapist who I'm hoping that I click with so that I can get some treatment for my back. I'm fussy about who touches my body. I wish I wasn't so uptight, but I just can't help it.

3. The gym. I'm not sure when I'll get there, but I love going to the gym.

4. Melting temperatures. I sent my dog out of the house to look for land this weekend. He returned with mud on his paws. Spring is coming!

5. The Husband's 3 day work week. Extra hands are good. Especially since Isaiah has decided that he's a man's man and there isn't much Mama can do for him that Daddy can't. He'll actually push my face away if I try to take him from his Dad. My back appreciates the rest.

6. A job interview. I kind of enjoy them.

7. Attending a group with other moms. I really want to connect with other women.

This week has got to be more fun than last week. With the weather warming up and lots of activities it's bound to be a good one.

Here We Go...

I've put a few resumes out in the last couple of weeks. I'm not searching desperately, but applying for jobs that look appealing. I could work as many hours as I want just being casual, but I would really like to have the security of a "position".

I don't think I want to return to the Cancer Center where I worked prior to maternity leave. I recently bumped into a colleague from there at the gym who said "Stay away as long as you can! It's so stressful and getting worse." But a few weeks ago I spoke to a Nurse who told me that she has the best job in the world, in the Recovery Room of a smaller hospital.

That's where I have a job interview next week. Woo Hoo!

Meatless

The Husband has decided to give up meat for Lent. Not so much as a religious observation, but more as a dietary practice. Seafood excluded. This means that I too have mostly given up meat as I do the majority of the cooking around here. We've tried some fabulous new recipes that will likely become staples in our household. But it means a lot more planning and meal preparation time. Lots of veggies, beans, eggs, and fish.

I have no idea what to make for supper tonight.

Ramblings

I've had a lot on my mind lately. I've even sat down to blog a couple of times. But what good is a post about my boy chewing up his crib, my new glasses, the gorgeous new fish tank, or the curtains that my Mum and I sewed together (ok, mostly Mum) without the picture to show for it? I don't know if it's a setting on my computer or a problem with blogger that prevents me from posting pictures or comments 90% of the time. I can't figure it out. But sometimes I get lucky.

My back has been bothering me. A lot. The muscles in my ribs tighten up and I feel like I can't take a good full breath. Add to that an almost 10 month old who is teething and getting over a cold who wants to be held at all times. But not by Daddy. Only Mama. I wonder if my spine is shifting and I get anxious about seeing the surgeon that I've been waiting almost 3 years to see. I guess it's good that I'm not breastfeeding with the amount of medication I've been taking for relief.

Regardless, I feel guilty sometimes that I'm not nursing the boy. Like I'm not giving him all that I could be. He wouldn't take it now if I offered but I do pump a small amount daily and add it to his bottle to give him some of what formula can't. I miss the closeness. He's not a cuddler. I usually can't rock him to sleep. He'd rather be in his crib, on his tummy, sucking his thumb. Usually he doesn't even protest when I leave the room. He is sleeping in 3-4 hour spurts now, which is twice as long as a couple of months ago.

Sometimes he does fall asleep in my arms and I want to hold him forever. I look at the crescents his dark, long eyelashes make as they fall on his cheek. I kiss his soft spot. I stroke his fine brown hair. I think that I would be pregnant a hundred times for the privilege of knowing my son. I just don't want to put him down because I know. I know that tomorrow he will be bigger

Last week we had the insurance nurse come out. We've applied for life insurance. They probe into every corner of people's lives. I had to drag the skeletons of my past out of the closet. Memories that I would like to forget and times that I would like to erase flit across my mind. I know my history will ensure that I don't get the best rate. And I don't care so much about that. I just hate muddling through it.

My weight has slowly and surely been rising. I'm working hard at it. My doctor, my family, and my self are glad about that. The energy I expended breastfeeding and baby bouncing reduced me to bare bones with a bit of muscle. I'm doing the opposite of weight watchers, my doctor says. I get stars for gaining weight.

My mind is starting to shift. In less than 2 months I'll be back at work. As of yet, I have no job. My term position expired during my maternity leave. I've started applying for some. It will be part time. Daycare has been arranged. Now I need a job and transportation. We'll have to invest in a second vehicle.

We have finally met a neighbor that isn't a prairie chicken or the pigeons wanting to nest in our not-yet-screened-in porch. She has an 8 week old daughter at home. Also recently two others I know had baby boys. I've been talking with them a bit and I've noticed how many people get negative advice from other Moms. It drives me crazy that we can't just encourage each other. There are so many things in pregnancy and parenthood that are grey. It's okay for people to feel and practice different things. I don't understand why people feel the need to criticize. It doesn't ever help anybody.

I think that's about all I had to unload tonight. Off to my heating pad and zzzz-land for me.

Busy Beaver

Isaiah's top teeth are coming in fast and furious. Three have made their appearance with another one threatening to burst through at any moment. The last one came in bleeding. Currently he is enjoying testing them out. People, pets, and furniture beware! I put him down for a nap one day and noticed this:

I asked the Husband if the crib had been scratched by the move. Negative. Since I didn't see him do it I figure it's either rodents - rabbits, beavers, etc - or my Biting Wonder child? I put him in his crib to pose for these photos. It's a good thing we didn't pay too much for this crib. One day even the Husband will think it was kind of funny...

What a goofy grin!