Big Day

Last Thursday was a big day. First we heard our Baby's heartbeat together, for the first time. And then we picked up our wedding picture that we had delayed framing for almost 4 years. I can't imagine why - it looks stunning! Even works with our purple walls.

Foolish Beliefs

I foolishly believed that working full time, all the same shift, would feel somewhat equivalent to working the .7 of shift work. All those wasted days turning from days to nights, nights to days. As it turns out it's not.

I get up at 6 and scramble to get ready to catch the 645 bus to downtown. I get to work at 735, grab a cup of coffee, and relax until 8am. I'm still officially on orientation to Cancer Care, so I have had lots of opportunities to stick my nose into different areas - chemo, radiation, various clinics, Breast Health Center. I follow other nurses, I go to conferences, I sit with families who have their worlds shatter in that instant that the doctor says "we've found cancer in you/ your child/ your spouse". And I watch doctors walk away and shake it off, while my entire being aches, at least momentarily.

At 400 I'm off work. I grab a bus and a few winks of sleep on my way to the suburbs. The moment I walk in the door Mr Bentley charges out and announces that he's been well behaved alllll day and really deserves a walk. A quick snack and out we go. Sometimes the Cuz will walk him during the day which is very helpful. But he still thinks he needs play time with Mum. Then I have a bath/shower, make supper, occasionally work out, prepare clothes and lunch for the next day.

By 930 I'm in bed. And exhausted.

Last Weekend in My Garden

Are you SURE winter is on it's way? My tomato plants are still blooming.

Sister Celebration

My sister came home for Thanksgiving this week. She's my one and only, and I miss her like crazy. I wish we lived close enough to call each other up and go for coffee, but living across the ocean isn't conducive to relationships like that. So we enjoy the few days here and there where we act like sisters again.

Last night Mum, Aunt Carol, my sister, my cousin, and I decided to have a girl's night out. We dined at Hu's on First (yum!) and ended with dessert at Baked Expectations. No schedule, lots of talk, and plenty of laughs.

See you at Christmas Jenny!

100 Things I'm Thankful For

This list may not have made it out for Thanksgiving weekend, but better late than never. With three turkey dinners in two days, I was just too busy! Also, I think this exercise in thankfulness is one I'll have to practice more often, because it took me a full 2 days to think of 100.

1. Sights & smells of Fall
2. New beginnings
3. Public transportation
4. Living at the beginning of a bus route, ensuring I always get a seat
5. A house big enough to share
6. A dog the size of a horse
7. Who believes my return home is cause for a party. Even if I've only been gone 10 min.
8. Coworkers who throw going away parties
9. Orangina - a perfect going away gift for an obstetric nurse, I was told. Rhymes with one major Canadian city and 1 woman's body part. Mystery is - does it taste more like orange or more like gina? I have yet to discover...
10. Good memories
11. Wood burning fireplaces
12. Candles
13. Strong coffee
14. A sister who flies home on holidays
15. Huge extended families
16. Job security
17. 3 Turkey dinners in 2 days
18. An excuse to eat as much stuffing as I want
19. Warm jackets
20. Scarves
21. In-laws who love me
22. Grandparents
23. A little brother who still thinks I'm cool
24. The Husband
25. Who cleans (albeit obsessively)
26. And instead of cursing that I'm keeping him up with my coughing fits, throws his arm around me and comforts.
27. Gym memberships
28. Stretching
29. Brightly blooming Mums in the cold, pissing rain
30. Sour fruit gushers
31. Electric toothbrushes
32. A church that does tradition non-traditionally
33. Thermophore heating pads
34. Universal health care
35. A comfortable bed
36. An older brother with a heart big enough to pastor
37. A massage therapist who makes me feel comfortable
38. Northern lights
39. People who love my 9.5 wk old Baby enough to buy it presents already
40. Seasonal socks
41. Garages
42. New clothes
43. Old, comfy clothes
44. Distinct seasons
45. Farmers
46. Home care workers
47. Parents who "talk me home" after a night shift in Portage
48. Chips
49. Neighbors who watch out for us
50. Cinema City - cheap movies!
51. Colorful fish
52. Makeup
53. Honesty
54. Life long friends
55. New friends
56. Clipboards
57. Sleeping in
58. My own pillow
59. Doctors who care about their patients
60. Mom's cinnamon buns
61. Bathtubs
62. Toilets
63. 50 weeks of paid maternity leave
64. Parks
65. Long walks
66. Soup in winter
67. Soft serve ice cream. Dipped in chocolate
68. Computers
69. Fancy breakfasts at restaurants
70. Pay cheques
71. Black pens
72. Cooperative patients
73. Dad's big boots
74. The husband's perfectly arranged closet
75. Sandals
76. Sorels
77. Spontaneous gifts from Mum - "It was such a good deal, I just couldn't leave it there!"
78. Flowers for no reason
79. Back supports
80. Razors
81. Friends' successes
82. Marriages that make it
83. Cell phones
84. Girls night out
85. Words
86. The husband's return to the blogosphere
87. A husband whose thoughts I enjoy reading
88. Low German
89. Nail files
90. Afternoon naps
91. Garbage day
92. Open spaces
93. Funk's farm.
94. Bonfires in the country
95. Tim Horton's
96. Filtered water
97. Medical gloves
98. Mechanical pencils
99. Air fresheners
100. Books that challenge my thinking.

For The Last Time

Today I'm prepping for a round of 3 12hr night shifts. For the last time I stayed up till 2 AM last night so that I can pull an all-nighter tonight. Pretty soon I'll be driving my last scheduled commute to Portage.

I'm going to miss it. I'm going to miss congratulating new parents and giving newborns their first baths. I'm going to miss my co-workers more than anything. They've been such wonderful friends.

And I'm going to hate this learning curve. I hate learning policies and procedures and figuring out which co-workers to shy away from. I hate feeling stupid and all-thumbs-ish, fumbling for answers.

Just like last time. I remember driving home from my first job after graduation, thinking that school had done nothing to prepare me for real life. I remember feeling frustrated and dumb. I remember the co-workers that helped and those who didn't.

Hopefully in a couple of months I feel comfortable at this new job thing. Because right now it just seems kinda scary.

Lonely

Sometimes I just feel lonely. I make friends easily and have so many wonderful people in my life. But tonight I'm missing all of the ones that seem most important.

1 - Ingrid. I have so much I want to tell her.
2 - Jenny. It sucks having your only sister live across the ocean from you.
3 - Lynds. As if lifelong friends are allowed to move provinces away. And they're not even gone yet.

Of course, the people who ARE around don't seem nearly as significant when your heart is hurting. I can't imagine life without:

1- My parents. Love them to bits.
2 - The Husband. My rock.
3 - My extended family. Amazing supporters.

The Husband and I need to find ways to meet more couple friends. It seems like we have our work circle friends and that the couples don't really come together. We have no idea how to go about doing this. But it feels like a void.

It's 2:30 AM. I suppose that might have something to do with feeling blue. Perhaps it's time to tuck in, snuggle into my heating pad, and have a good long rest.