Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Foolish Beliefs

I foolishly believed that working full time, all the same shift, would feel somewhat equivalent to working the .7 of shift work. All those wasted days turning from days to nights, nights to days. As it turns out it's not.

I get up at 6 and scramble to get ready to catch the 645 bus to downtown. I get to work at 735, grab a cup of coffee, and relax until 8am. I'm still officially on orientation to Cancer Care, so I have had lots of opportunities to stick my nose into different areas - chemo, radiation, various clinics, Breast Health Center. I follow other nurses, I go to conferences, I sit with families who have their worlds shatter in that instant that the doctor says "we've found cancer in you/ your child/ your spouse". And I watch doctors walk away and shake it off, while my entire being aches, at least momentarily.

At 400 I'm off work. I grab a bus and a few winks of sleep on my way to the suburbs. The moment I walk in the door Mr Bentley charges out and announces that he's been well behaved alllll day and really deserves a walk. A quick snack and out we go. Sometimes the Cuz will walk him during the day which is very helpful. But he still thinks he needs play time with Mum. Then I have a bath/shower, make supper, occasionally work out, prepare clothes and lunch for the next day.

By 930 I'm in bed. And exhausted.


Michele said...

there is something nice about the ever changing schedule, isn't there?

i can't imagine being with people how are teetering on the precipice of life and death, always, though i suspect if you get used to it, you will increase your joy of life.

love to you.

Linda said...

It always takes such a long time to adjust to a new job-especially one like yours and especially "in your condition." Be easy on yourself.

I believe you will be able to stick it out because you are just the kind of person I would want to care for me if I ever should be in a situation where I would need the services of Cancer Care.

Anonymous said...

Hi Val,
A big hello from the night shift here at PDGH.... we miss you. Hope all is well with you and your new job. Barb Y. says hello, she missed your going away party. She is so excited about your pregnancy.
Hope to see you at sometime.
Cheryl, Bree, Barb

Valerie Ruth said...

hey back to PDGH! made my day to hear from you all. i miss you guys. I'll be visiting the evening of nov 2. be there!

Joyce said...

Do you find that when you start a new job all the learning and newness makes you extra tired? And THEN growing a BABY!!
Oh, so many reasons to feel tired.

God bless you for choosing cancer care. A good, no, excellent nurse made all the difference for us when Ken was sick. She never learned to "shake it off". She loved and cried along with us.