Hi. I'm Val and I'm a people pleaser. Are there support groups for people like me??
One of my best and one of my worst qualities is that I like to make people happy. I'll bend over backwards to do things the way someone wants it done even if I think my way would be better. When it's obvious that someone doesn't like me, I become determined to make them change their mind. I want people to see that I'm capable, smart, and sometimes funny. I want people to say good things about me behind my back and miss me when I'm gone.
When this doesn't happen, it shakes me to my core. I question my entire being, my purpose, my worth. Between the tears come fits of anger and I become either useless, moping around the house, or incredibly productive. My stomach turns and I lose my appetite. I question my abilities and my thought processes. It knocks me back and shakes my confidence. I go to sleep thinking about it and wake up feeling "off" the next morning before I remember why.
Even when I don't like the person. Even when I don't need the stress. Even if it's really a blessing.
You'd think by now I would be strong enough in myself. I would know that my worth doesn't come from what other people think. I would know that it's impossible to have everyone like me. I would know that the best I can do is all I can do. And that I am a good and valuable person, no matter what anybody else says.
But it still gets me. Every time.
8 comments:
You can't help your feelings, but hey -- you're thinking about it in the right way, and that's what's important. Love MOM
Hang in there, Val. Many of us are like that - some people just wear a better protective shell than others. You have a great ability to open yourself up to people and develop relationships with them. This does make you vulnerable to being hurt by them, but also makes your life much richer than it would be if you just kept everyone at a safe distance. Love, Carol
Yup. Been there, done that. Still there, still do that. Do it less when I listen to how I feel instead of asking myself what I want to do or how to react. Maybe it's one of those things - once a people pleaser, always a people pleaser even if we're a "dry" people pleaser?
You are in good company. Join the club.
People suck, I think... thing is when we rely on them for validation, they will always disappoint at some time or another because even the best of us have feet of clay. But thinking from a Godly perspective, your hard work and dedication never goes unnoticed and he will give you the strength to deal with the difficult people who dont realize what they are throwing away because of a situation like this.
love you,
sistah
are we related?? if you find that self-help group please let me know. i can put myself into a completely exhausted state trying to please just so "people will say good things about me behind my back and miss me when i'm gone".
missed you at the klipper gathering last friday. was hoping to see you face to face to let you know how much i enjoy your posts.
Brandy! and Val!
(am I a Klipper?!)
I'm forty now and I notice that now I'm just mad that I still want this type of validation. Mad, but I still want it...
YUP!?/!#* and life goes on. People really like us though...don't they?
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