I was at the gym yesterday when I saw her walk in. From my vantage point upstairs, I watched. "Don't let her come upstairs, please don't let her come upstairs," I mumbled under my breath as I watched my heart rate jump by 10 beats per minute.
I heard someone come up the stairs and did a quick shoulder check. Drat. Busted! She swooped in on me, taking the machine beside me. I smiled as she battered me with compliments. We talked about children, building houses, and business.
"Just let me know when you're ready to come back," she said. She told me that I was missed by clients and complimented my work ethic. If I wanted a break or to make a bit of extra cash, the job was waiting for me.
I drove home from the gym considering my options. A bit of spending money would be nice. A change of pace would be nice. I miss the clients too. I could do a few hours here and there, couldn't I?
Ten months ago she shattered my fragile self esteem with a short letter explaining that I was no longer employed by her. I cried for days. My feelings were hurt. For I am a people pleaser, and I was unhappy that she was unhappy. She said that I wasn't thinking logically since I had become pregnant. This topped off 3.5 years of tip-toeing around, keenly aware of her unstable moods and unpredictability.
The Husband knocked some sense back into me after I told him of the conversation. "You are NOT going to work for her again. You can work out with her, converse with her, and have a casual friendship. But you will not work for her again." He is so right, providing the backbone that I find myself missing sometimes.
After being walked on by this woman, why would I even consider going back? Why do I want her to like me? Why do I even care? And why am I not strong enough in my own personhood to stick up for myself? Why? What is it that drives me? I just don't know.
3 comments:
Okay so your husband came thru for you on this one...good good good. People pleasing is sometimes a hard life I think, it gets somewhat better with time or age, me thinks.Roselle
why? Tough questions. That's why it's important to have people (such as your husband) in our lives to help us see things that we don't always see ourselves. You are further along in your journey of self-discovery because of this incident.
I love it that Korey often knows my boundaries even when I don't - but then sometimes he lets me help him with his boundaries, too.
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