Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Regrets

If I could erase any time in my life, it would have to be from late 2000 - 2002. It was horrible. Beyond horrible. Traumatic. I made the worst decisions I could make during this period and got into the most trouble. More than most young adults. I veered so far from my real personality that I wasn't me at all.


Some people who only knew me back then have a bad taste in their mouth. People who never spent 5 minutes talking to me or having any interest or concern for me occasionally feel that it's their prerogative to air their opinions of how I used to be.


I don't know how to feel about that. My immediate response is anger. But then I wonder if perhaps I should pity them. They never stuck around to see who I've become. And trust me - I'm hard enough on myself for my past mistakes. I certainly don't need anyone else's judgements.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

We all make mistakes in our lives. Often, living with the regret of making those mistakes puts a greater burden on us than the actual act of making the mistake. We can't go back and erase things, but we can learn from our mistakes and move on. These things happen for a reason - and sometimes it takes us years before we find out what that reason was.

Michele said...

that seems really unfair to me.

and kind of bizarre... i had someone bring up something that i cannot remember doing but didn't seem very socially adept in her re-telling (honestly i don't even know if she got the story right because it doesn't sound typical of me) in front of a bunch of people i didn't know too well.

um, thanks for that. i love being made out an idiot in front of strangers and reminded of past behaviour.

Michele said...
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Brenda said...

Don't be too hard on yourself girl -- you truly were not yourself, and don't forget --something called "mental illness" was part of it -- never mind all the vast cocktail of meds the good Dr. tried out on you. I truly believe that at least some of them made you lose touch altogether with yourself.
Remember instead the hard work that you have done, and how miraculous the healing we see, and even the gifts that this horrible time have left you. The caring and compassionate nurse who goes the extra mile, the understanding, non-judgemental friend, the loving and giving daughter -- some of these things only develop out of times of great pain. You chose to let these things grow out of your experience. Love MOM

Anonymous said...

YOU KNOW... I THINK ALOT OF PEOPLE CAN RELATE... BEEN THROUGH DIFFICULT TIMES, DIDN'T THINK WE'LD EVER MAKE DECISIONS WE DID... BUT WE ARE SO FORTUNATE THAT WE BELIEVE IN A GOD SO FULL OF GRACE... PEOPLE CAN LET YOU DOWN... GOD, NEVER. YOU ARE TRULY ONE OF THE MOST WONDERFUL, LOVING, LOYAL PEOPLE I KNOW!!! DON'T EVER BELIEVE ANYTHING LESS!!

Linda said...

I am so grateful for the people in my life who have seen me at my worst and still love me.

You are loved, respected and honoured by many people who knew you "then" and now. Remind yourself of them when some a**h*** makes an unkind comment.

Kid brother said...

Oh geez... tell me about it. Not a whole lot of people know the details of the stuff I've been through, and I make a point of not bringing it up. It's not like I've just kept it pent up, I HAVE told select people who are close to me. I can only imagine if everyone DID know. Not pretty.

James said...
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James said...

You've been through a lot, and your experiences have shaped you into the wonder-woman you are now. Rather than not being yourself, it could more have been looking at your own life, in some other-person's devious point of view.

Not that I'm an expert.

It's just, I was there. You witnessed to me. I was saved. I was changed. I'm alive, because of you.

Please don't erase that time of your life. Where would I be, was it not for you.