We are preparing to move. Boxes have emerged and pictures have been taken off the walls. It comes up in conversations every day. The house. The move. It's coming. We've got to get ready.
I don't claim to need as much order in my life as the Husband does. He's near diagnosable Obsessive Compulsive. But I already feel like things are out of place. The pressure is on. Next week the people who bought our bedroom set are taking it away. Where will I store my clothes? Laundry baskets, perhaps. I'm amazed at the clutter a mere two years in a place can accumulate. My new rule - If we haven't used it in two years, donate it!
The questions consume my mind. Is the U-Haul rented? Have we recruited enough help? What can we pack now? When can we move it over? When will the house be done? How long will we live with my parents in the meantime? Will we like it there? Oh, and what color do we want the kitchen walls?
I've been outside a lot lately, enjoying the sunshine and unseasonably warm temperatures. Most of the leaves are off the trees now and I noticed a thin layer of ice on the edges of the lake the other day. Everything is dying for winter. I talk to people in the park, watch my dog run down the leaf covered path, and enjoy feeling comfortable in my surroundings. It feels like grief to have to leave this place.
And I worry. What if my neighbors are terrible? What if nobody likes me? What if small town church politics affect our potential relationships? When people see me, will they remember the awkward girl I was in high school? Will they whisper about the girl they heard had been in a mental health facility? Or will I have a clean slate to start off with? I'm afraid of spending a whole winter inside, alone with my baby. I start to contemplate my return to work.
Maybe I could just close my eyes and sleep through the next six weeks. Besides, I'm so, so tired.
4 comments:
Sounds like your mind is on worry overload! If it helped, I would say 'don't worry' but it's not usually that easy. And of course you will love it at our place -- you won't miss your privacy at all...and you'll have a built in babysitter! Love MOM
I can only imagine what it must be like for you to move back to your "hometown". And not only you, but bringing your husband who doesn't know anyone in the community and your son!
I understand all the worries you have, but I hope above everything that when you move here, you will feel welcome, not alone. There are a lot of Moms around who will be and are already wanting to get out of the house, and who will be looking for someone to join them!
Anyway, I hope that makes you feel a little better....oh and will we be seeing you at Mom's Morning Out on Wednesday? Hope so!
I think they will see the beautiful woman that you are.
You have nothing to prove Val...if they don't love you for who you are...so be it...I find that the wonders of getting older is that I just don't really care that much...my true friends love me the way I am...warts and all...and the rest, who really cares...take care of yourself and your family...that's all that matters....oxoxox tante L
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