There are reason's I'm not blogging...
It's not that life isn't going on....
It's not that I'm depressed...
It's not that I don't have things I'd love to write about...
It's just that some things take too much processing and are too personal. And when things like this consume my life, I turn to my family and friends. Soon enough I'll be blogging. I've got things to say!
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
50 Things I'm Thankful For
1. Rachel's short and beautiful life
2. The opportunity to get to know her. She taught me a lot.
3. A boy who loves to snuggle.
4. Babysitters I can trust and who love my child.
5. People I can confide in
6. Friends that feel as close as family.
7. Friendships that I would never have predicted. These are the coolest.
8. Memories.
9. The perspective that only time gives.
10. A hot, steaming, strong cup o' java
11. Parents who are still with me
12. Grandparents too
13. Restored relationships
14. A job I enjoy
15. People I enjoy working with
16. The opportunity to learn patience. I've had lots of these this year.
17. A reliable vehicle.
18. Hot baths
19. A motivated husband.
20. Love
21. Grace
22. Chocolate
23. Makeup
24. Candles in winter
25. Hair dye
26. Prairie sunsets
27. Washers and dryers
28. White noise
29. Good deals
30. Home cooked meals
31. Living in the country
32. Windex
33. Jeans
34. Tweezers
35. Holidays
36. Laptops
37. Ball throwers for dogs.
38. Barbeques
39. Siblings
40. Rain gauges
41. Flowers
42. Music
43. Cork floors
44. Air fresheners
45. Hope
46. Mom's cinnamon buns. And waffles.
47. People who make me feel comfortable when they work on my back.
48. The gym
49. Gifts. Given and received.
50. Passions and the journey to discover what mine are.
2. The opportunity to get to know her. She taught me a lot.
3. A boy who loves to snuggle.
4. Babysitters I can trust and who love my child.
5. People I can confide in
6. Friends that feel as close as family.
7. Friendships that I would never have predicted. These are the coolest.
8. Memories.
9. The perspective that only time gives.
10. A hot, steaming, strong cup o' java
11. Parents who are still with me
12. Grandparents too
13. Restored relationships
14. A job I enjoy
15. People I enjoy working with
16. The opportunity to learn patience. I've had lots of these this year.
17. A reliable vehicle.
18. Hot baths
19. A motivated husband.
20. Love
21. Grace
22. Chocolate
23. Makeup
24. Candles in winter
25. Hair dye
26. Prairie sunsets
27. Washers and dryers
28. White noise
29. Good deals
30. Home cooked meals
31. Living in the country
32. Windex
33. Jeans
34. Tweezers
35. Holidays
36. Laptops
37. Ball throwers for dogs.
38. Barbeques
39. Siblings
40. Rain gauges
41. Flowers
42. Music
43. Cork floors
44. Air fresheners
45. Hope
46. Mom's cinnamon buns. And waffles.
47. People who make me feel comfortable when they work on my back.
48. The gym
49. Gifts. Given and received.
50. Passions and the journey to discover what mine are.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
On Friday...
Our sweet baby Rachel got her wings. She left this world cradled in her tender Daddy's arms with her ever attentive Mommy and siblings at her side. One breath was there, the next gone.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Faith
Just finished reading Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom and loved it. Easy to read with wonderful insights that encourage acceptance of others.
My favorite paragraph is as follows:
But I realized something as I drove home that night: that I am neither better nor smarter, only luckier. And I should be ashamed of thinking I knew everything, because you can know the whole world and still feel lost in it. So many people are in pain - no matter how smart or accomplished - they cry, they yearn, they hurt. But instead of looking down on things, they look up, which is where I should have been looking too. Because when the world quiets to the sound of your own breathing, we all want the same things: comfort, love, and a peaceful heart. (p221)
I had a mentor like Mitch had in his life. I remember her. That gentle, accepting spirit taught me so much.
My favorite paragraph is as follows:
But I realized something as I drove home that night: that I am neither better nor smarter, only luckier. And I should be ashamed of thinking I knew everything, because you can know the whole world and still feel lost in it. So many people are in pain - no matter how smart or accomplished - they cry, they yearn, they hurt. But instead of looking down on things, they look up, which is where I should have been looking too. Because when the world quiets to the sound of your own breathing, we all want the same things: comfort, love, and a peaceful heart. (p221)
I had a mentor like Mitch had in his life. I remember her. That gentle, accepting spirit taught me so much.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Perspective
Sometimes I look around me and don't like what I see.
I guess it's the stage of life I'm in. People want to build families. It seems that almost everyone I know with kids the age of my Boy's have another one. Or two. Plus another on the way. My eyes seek out those with arms full or bellies expectant. Don't get me wrong... I'm happy for my friends who are excited about new lives. But I can't help but feel a mix of jealousy and sadness for myself and our family dreams.
Especially when...
I hear of one "unplanned". A marriage that seems headed for disaster. Sad relationships. Personal instability. Risky lifestyles. People who took steps to have "permanent" birth control in place and somehow things just happened. People who don't know what it's like to have to try.
That's when I have to remind myself. There are babies that are sick, like my darling niece. There are mamas that are dying even while their bodies are growing their babies, knowing their child will face life without a mum. Most of the couples who sit in the Fertility Clinic waiting room with us probably don't even have one.
We do. We have a healthy, vibrant little boy. He rocks our worlds. Our marriage is secure. We are generally happy. We just don't get everything we want, when we want it.
Seriously. We are so lucky! I just want to be luckier.... but when I put it in perspective it's easier. I believe we will. It's just a matter of time. A lot of time.
I guess it's the stage of life I'm in. People want to build families. It seems that almost everyone I know with kids the age of my Boy's have another one. Or two. Plus another on the way. My eyes seek out those with arms full or bellies expectant. Don't get me wrong... I'm happy for my friends who are excited about new lives. But I can't help but feel a mix of jealousy and sadness for myself and our family dreams.
Especially when...
I hear of one "unplanned". A marriage that seems headed for disaster. Sad relationships. Personal instability. Risky lifestyles. People who took steps to have "permanent" birth control in place and somehow things just happened. People who don't know what it's like to have to try.
That's when I have to remind myself. There are babies that are sick, like my darling niece. There are mamas that are dying even while their bodies are growing their babies, knowing their child will face life without a mum. Most of the couples who sit in the Fertility Clinic waiting room with us probably don't even have one.
We do. We have a healthy, vibrant little boy. He rocks our worlds. Our marriage is secure. We are generally happy. We just don't get everything we want, when we want it.
Seriously. We are so lucky! I just want to be luckier.... but when I put it in perspective it's easier. I believe we will. It's just a matter of time. A lot of time.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Surgery
Yesterday was a big day for me. I had surgery to remove a septum in my uterus and cauterize some endometriosis. Everything went well and I was home around 8 pm. This morning I feel like I was kicked in the gut by a horse. Yuck! Fortunately, Nana has the Boy and I have the Husband and painkillers. This afternoon is my follow-up appointment. So glad to get this over with!
Friday, May 13, 2011
Three
It may be Friday, the thirteenth, but as far as I'm concerned it's the 13th of May. My Boy's birthday! There is no better day than this.
A year ago he was still my baby. Still enjoying his bottle, wearing diapers, and sleeping in a crib. Feels like forever ago. I can't even imagine where he'll be one year from now.
As usual, he has a birthday bug. Fever, cold symptoms. He's stronger than he used to be though and it's relatively minor. Daddy and I took the day off to celebrate. The weather is terrible and so far it's been a movie and jammie day. After his nap we'll give him his gift. This evening family is coming for cake and coffee.
Tomorrow is hotel night! His best friend and family will be joining us for one night at a hotel with a play structure and pool. Really looking forward to that!
Party on!
A year ago he was still my baby. Still enjoying his bottle, wearing diapers, and sleeping in a crib. Feels like forever ago. I can't even imagine where he'll be one year from now.
As usual, he has a birthday bug. Fever, cold symptoms. He's stronger than he used to be though and it's relatively minor. Daddy and I took the day off to celebrate. The weather is terrible and so far it's been a movie and jammie day. After his nap we'll give him his gift. This evening family is coming for cake and coffee.
Tomorrow is hotel night! His best friend and family will be joining us for one night at a hotel with a play structure and pool. Really looking forward to that!
Party on!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Accidents
The thing about accidents is that the timing must be impeccable. It takes more precision than any fine-tuned art.
Because...
If you had been one second later
Or one second earlier
Stayed at the last place a minute longer
Or the weather had been different
If it had been a different time of day
Or someone else behind the wheel
If you'd been driving a car instead of a truck
Or if his vehicle had winter tires
If you had declined a shift
Or the other guy decided not to go watch the game
If any single, minute detail was different...
It wouldn't have happened.
But it did. Everything lined up just so. You can assign fault to somebody. Or nobody. God. Or Fate. Maybe Chance.
When the Unthinkable happens... then what? When you run to the car, hoping beyond hope that the other guy is okay. And you see him, and you know he's not. What then?
As it turns out, some people understand. It's happened to people before. They just don't talk about it every day. Some call. Some send flowers. No one casts blame. It must feel like a treadmill. A lot of effort, no destination. What if? Should I have? Could I have? The family... ?
I love you, Dad.
Because...
If you had been one second later
Or one second earlier
Stayed at the last place a minute longer
Or the weather had been different
If it had been a different time of day
Or someone else behind the wheel
If you'd been driving a car instead of a truck
Or if his vehicle had winter tires
If you had declined a shift
Or the other guy decided not to go watch the game
If any single, minute detail was different...
It wouldn't have happened.
But it did. Everything lined up just so. You can assign fault to somebody. Or nobody. God. Or Fate. Maybe Chance.
When the Unthinkable happens... then what? When you run to the car, hoping beyond hope that the other guy is okay. And you see him, and you know he's not. What then?
As it turns out, some people understand. It's happened to people before. They just don't talk about it every day. Some call. Some send flowers. No one casts blame. It must feel like a treadmill. A lot of effort, no destination. What if? Should I have? Could I have? The family... ?
I love you, Dad.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Photos
Curly Toes
I've spent the better part of the week preparing the Boy for surgery. He has, what the surgeon called, curly toes. The third toes on both feet crossed under the second. For some kids it's no big deal, but this kid has woken crying that his toes hurt and keeping the nails short was essential to keeping them from cutting into the toes. We saw two surgeons who had differing opinions on both the problem and the solution. One stated nothing needed to be done and the other recommended a tendon release on the third toe.
We bought movies and games. We talked about surgery. We discussed the hospital. I'll confess, we played it up a little.
Yesterday was surgery day. He woke up once we parked underground, totally stoked for surgery. He enjoyed putting on the blue and white striped gown and asked if he was beautiful in his dress. We discussed casts and the nurse told him he could pick whatever color he wanted. Even pink! He and daddy played video games. He's so sucked into those things. I'm definitely not buying one!
The surgeon came and marked his toes. The anesthetist came and let him pick his flavor of gas - bubble gum, strawberry, orange, or root beer. He saw the power cars beyond the doors to the OR and got excited about driving one. The nurse came and took him from me. He went willingly. First he tried the Hummer. It scared him when he realized it actually drove. So the nurse offered him the Corvette. He didn't actually want to drive it but went along happily when she offered to join him. We were told they would start his IV after he was sleeping and that he would be sleeping about one minute after he left our arms. OR time was booked for 2 hours.
We went for a quick breakfast and made a few phone calls. We came back early to wait in the post op waiting room. Just over an hour after he was taken in the surgeon came out and told us that everything went well. She did a simple tendon release and his feet had straightened out nicely. She opted for bulky dressings and didn't need casts at all!
Shortly after we were called to the recovery room. They warned us that he was upset before we saw him. I saw a nurse holding him on the bed and he was screaming. He was so upset. I think he was pretty ticked. It wasn't actually fun. He wanted to go home RIGHT NOW and get his "socks" off and his IV out. I held him and put his blanket over his head. Once he got his thumb in his mouth and settled down he fell asleep.
A little while later we transferred to the ward and watched some TV. After he ate a popsicle they took out his IV and let us go. We were out of there by 1130. Now the dressings stay on for 10 days. No weight bearing for a week. No running and no jumping for a month. Sounds impossible!
Yesterday we used a lot of Tylenol and Advil. Today he's feeling much better. In fact, he's scooting around on his knees like a pro. You'd think he had never learned to walk.
Now for some time off, lots of couch time, movies, and snuggles. I'm so glad to have this over with.
We bought movies and games. We talked about surgery. We discussed the hospital. I'll confess, we played it up a little.
Yesterday was surgery day. He woke up once we parked underground, totally stoked for surgery. He enjoyed putting on the blue and white striped gown and asked if he was beautiful in his dress. We discussed casts and the nurse told him he could pick whatever color he wanted. Even pink! He and daddy played video games. He's so sucked into those things. I'm definitely not buying one!
The surgeon came and marked his toes. The anesthetist came and let him pick his flavor of gas - bubble gum, strawberry, orange, or root beer. He saw the power cars beyond the doors to the OR and got excited about driving one. The nurse came and took him from me. He went willingly. First he tried the Hummer. It scared him when he realized it actually drove. So the nurse offered him the Corvette. He didn't actually want to drive it but went along happily when she offered to join him. We were told they would start his IV after he was sleeping and that he would be sleeping about one minute after he left our arms. OR time was booked for 2 hours.
We went for a quick breakfast and made a few phone calls. We came back early to wait in the post op waiting room. Just over an hour after he was taken in the surgeon came out and told us that everything went well. She did a simple tendon release and his feet had straightened out nicely. She opted for bulky dressings and didn't need casts at all!
Shortly after we were called to the recovery room. They warned us that he was upset before we saw him. I saw a nurse holding him on the bed and he was screaming. He was so upset. I think he was pretty ticked. It wasn't actually fun. He wanted to go home RIGHT NOW and get his "socks" off and his IV out. I held him and put his blanket over his head. Once he got his thumb in his mouth and settled down he fell asleep.
A little while later we transferred to the ward and watched some TV. After he ate a popsicle they took out his IV and let us go. We were out of there by 1130. Now the dressings stay on for 10 days. No weight bearing for a week. No running and no jumping for a month. Sounds impossible!
Yesterday we used a lot of Tylenol and Advil. Today he's feeling much better. In fact, he's scooting around on his knees like a pro. You'd think he had never learned to walk.
Now for some time off, lots of couch time, movies, and snuggles. I'm so glad to have this over with.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Movies
Yesterday I went on a bit of a spree. I purchased more movies in half an hour than I ever have in my life. You see, the Boy is having surgery on his toes next Friday. I'm a little anxious, it's true. Instead of renting movies daily I just bought them. I'm afraid we'll be couch bound while he has casts on both feet and well, I guess this is like entertainment insurance.
Here is my list:
Horton Hears a Who
The Bee Movie
James and the Giant Peach
Shrek
Shrek 2
Shrek 3
Christmas Shrek (what? it was a four pack!)
Milo and Otis
Happy Feet
Cars
Dragon Hunters
Now, who is coming to join us on our movie marathon?
Here is my list:
Horton Hears a Who
The Bee Movie
James and the Giant Peach
Shrek
Shrek 2
Shrek 3
Christmas Shrek (what? it was a four pack!)
Milo and Otis
Happy Feet
Cars
Dragon Hunters
Now, who is coming to join us on our movie marathon?
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Best Parts
The best part of my day yesterday? Flowers from my Husband! For no "real" reason. Extra points for having them delivered to my workplace and making all my colleagues jealous.
Today? Getting back to the gym following a month of illness between myself and the Boy. Even better, a hot stone massage after. The gift cert was a gift from my Hubby for Christmas.
Wow! You should all be jealous of a husband such as mine.
Today? Getting back to the gym following a month of illness between myself and the Boy. Even better, a hot stone massage after. The gift cert was a gift from my Hubby for Christmas.
Wow! You should all be jealous of a husband such as mine.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Back to "Normal"
I gotta say, this work stuff is stressin' me out. Post-bump, I had to bump someone. In a department I didn't want to work. With 12 hr shifts. Not ideal. So I sent out resumes. Applied for terms.
I had one interview and it went great! I got the job offer. Which means I'm still batting 10/10 for getting the jobs I interview for. But then I got another offer. Seriously, on the same day! A term back in Day Surgery til the end of June. I weighed the pros and cons and took offer number 2.
So for now life stays the same. We'll see what time brings. I'm feeling happier and much more settled now that I'm the one choosing where I go.
On a positive note - the days are getting longer and warmer! Spring can't come soon enough.
I had one interview and it went great! I got the job offer. Which means I'm still batting 10/10 for getting the jobs I interview for. But then I got another offer. Seriously, on the same day! A term back in Day Surgery til the end of June. I weighed the pros and cons and took offer number 2.
So for now life stays the same. We'll see what time brings. I'm feeling happier and much more settled now that I'm the one choosing where I go.
On a positive note - the days are getting longer and warmer! Spring can't come soon enough.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Recap and Looking Ahead
Simply put, 2010 was a year of stability for us.
I have the same job, same house, same vehicles, same Husband, and same Boy. I can't explain exactly how good this feels. I've lived years of chaos in the past. I've lived years of changes. Good and bad. Not this year. This year things just kind of stayed the same.
The Husband decided to work on his Counseling degree and started taking courses. Otherwise things around here remained status quo. The Boy remains undisputed in his place as sole Apple of our eyes despite our best efforts. Maybe this year will bring competition. We hope so.
He had a big year though. Moved from a crib to a toddler bed and mastered potty training in no time flat! His language skills amaze us daily. He's becoming more independent and is thriving in his day care. He expanded his list of favorite movies from Baby Einstein to include all the Mighty Machines series and his first full length feature, Up. He became passionate about guitars and farming. His immune system figured itself out and we landed up in ER only once with no hospitalizations.
We hit the road to Calgary in May to meet a very special addition to our extended family. Baby Rachel was born May 21 and has impacted all of our lives deeply. She and her family amaze and inspire me daily.
2011 promises to have more change in store. Next week I start my new position in ER. Quite honestly, I'm not thrilled about it. I'll do my best there and learn and grow in my career, but I'll miss my home in Day Surgery. Bentley, our faithful pooch, is getting his leg fixed. Here's hoping next year he's much more active! He is so in tune with me and my emotions. The Boy will be getting those curly toes of his straightened. The Husband will likely return to General Patrol, which means both him and I will be doing shift work again.
I always want to be stronger this year than I was the last. Stronger in body, mind, and spirit. I want to get to know my Husband better. We spent most of last year passing each other by. I want to find a job I'm excited about. I want to be more open minded and optimistic. I'd love to add to the family.
In reality, our control is so minimal. I can make great choices for myself and my family and end up with events that turn my world upside down. Peace and the ability to hold what I have in an open hand.... that's all I would really ask for.
I have the same job, same house, same vehicles, same Husband, and same Boy. I can't explain exactly how good this feels. I've lived years of chaos in the past. I've lived years of changes. Good and bad. Not this year. This year things just kind of stayed the same.
The Husband decided to work on his Counseling degree and started taking courses. Otherwise things around here remained status quo. The Boy remains undisputed in his place as sole Apple of our eyes despite our best efforts. Maybe this year will bring competition. We hope so.
He had a big year though. Moved from a crib to a toddler bed and mastered potty training in no time flat! His language skills amaze us daily. He's becoming more independent and is thriving in his day care. He expanded his list of favorite movies from Baby Einstein to include all the Mighty Machines series and his first full length feature, Up. He became passionate about guitars and farming. His immune system figured itself out and we landed up in ER only once with no hospitalizations.
We hit the road to Calgary in May to meet a very special addition to our extended family. Baby Rachel was born May 21 and has impacted all of our lives deeply. She and her family amaze and inspire me daily.
2011 promises to have more change in store. Next week I start my new position in ER. Quite honestly, I'm not thrilled about it. I'll do my best there and learn and grow in my career, but I'll miss my home in Day Surgery. Bentley, our faithful pooch, is getting his leg fixed. Here's hoping next year he's much more active! He is so in tune with me and my emotions. The Boy will be getting those curly toes of his straightened. The Husband will likely return to General Patrol, which means both him and I will be doing shift work again.
I always want to be stronger this year than I was the last. Stronger in body, mind, and spirit. I want to get to know my Husband better. We spent most of last year passing each other by. I want to find a job I'm excited about. I want to be more open minded and optimistic. I'd love to add to the family.
In reality, our control is so minimal. I can make great choices for myself and my family and end up with events that turn my world upside down. Peace and the ability to hold what I have in an open hand.... that's all I would really ask for.
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